Not News: "This Guy Swears He's a Blackhawks Fan"

CHICAGO, IL - Sitting in an Old Town bar during the Blackhawks game, California native Aden Williams makes sure to tell everyone that he's "like a huge Blackhawks fan." Donning a brand new Patrick Sharp jersey, he insists on sharing his encyclopedic knowledge of Blackhawks history that he learned through Wikipedia and ESPN over the past couple weeks. "Did you know this is the first Stanley Cup Finals between two Original Six teams since 1979? Crazy." Additionally he only refers to players by their hockey nicknames. "Everyone's favorite is probably Tazer or Kaner. But I love Sharpie the most. Or Crow. Or Dunc. Or The Rat, you know, Bolland." In his truest display of fandom, he criticizes all the "poser, fair-weather fans" sitting next to him. "I mean who do these people think they are? They think they can just try to escape the monotonous drudgery of their lives by waltzing into a Hawks bar and taking part in the exciting camaraderie of cheering for a championship sports team?  They have to pay their dues.  Like me, man."  Fred Jones, another "fan" who has been watching the Blackhawks his whole life and remembers watching as a kid when they won the Cup in 1961, could not be reached for comment as he was too busy  "watching the fucking game.”